Relationship light-bulb moments with Bob Grant's e-book »
Here is the list of some common psychological needs that can control people's behavior and affect their choices in life. They resemble pressure points or "buttons" that make people move in your direction when you press on it. Sure, every situation is very individual, but after reading this you will have a better idea about how people do their choices and how you can affect them. In other words, you will understand how persuasion and manipulation work.
Acceptance
The need of acceptance is on the top of our list, because it is number one need after all basic needs are fulfilled. Rejection, which is the opposite of acceptance, is one of the things we fear the most in our lives. Way too often, we wouldn't even try to get the things we want and dream about just out of the fear of failure (kind of rejection). Make a person feel accepted, make him/her realize that you are not judging him/her, that you genuinely like him/her, and s/he will be open with you. This is a great fundament or base of a good relationship and connection. Remember that you can't affect anyone unless you connect with them, and that is only accomplished by understanding him/her and realizing what makes him/her move. This can be tested quite easily. Next time you go to bank (or any other place) and the service is slow, just tell to the employee: "I feel for you, you seem to have so much work!" and see him change. That is because you conveyed the message of acceptance. Now he will try his best to serve you, because you are not just another client to him.
Attention
Many people love it dearly, but some are really suffering from its deficit. Often these are people who were successful in past. Probably they were athletes, or they had some special talent, or they were beautiful or powerful, but those days are gone. You can recognize them by the way their whole face changes when they receive some attention in a social setting. Now you see a spark in their eyes. Affecting this kind of people is easy, just make them talk about themselves, let them tell you stories of their glorious past and they are yours. In other words, let them shine again and they will be grateful to you.
Rescue from Boredom
Many people who are really bored. Their lives are routine, nothing changes. They will fall in love with the one who will bring something new and exciting to them, a sense of adventure and a little danger. If you manage to do just that they will get addicted to you. Depending on situation, they will become your loyal friends or lovers. It is a very common need.
Relationship light-bulb moments with Bob Grant's e-book »
Casanova, who was a famous seducer, liked to deal with village girls whose lives were monotonous and followed a predictable routine. He would come in his dazzling clothes and seduce them with his words and deeds. Maybe those girls realized this was going to harm them, but not too many people can resist the temptation of something new and exciting in their boring lives.
It doesn't have to be a seduction always. Think of what kind of effect happy people have on you. People who have some interesting hobbies, who are building something in their lives. Instantly you admire them and wish you could be around more, maybe some of their happiness and enthusiasm will rub off on you. And let us tell you - yes, it will. This is because human emotions have infectious quality, so if you know people like that (and we don't mean Casanova types now!) stay around and learn from them.
Some people have unusual amount of energy and they just can't stay idle even for the shortest periods of time. To affect them you need to give them adventure, some cause, some goal they should strive to achieve. As soon as they achieve it, you need to manage for something else, otherwise they will get bored and disappointed by you.
This is exactly what Josephine did to Napoleon, because she realized his nature of a conqueror. She was never where she was supposed to be, and she never did what he wanted her to do. He would get angry and aggressive, but inside of his heart his love to her would only increase. If she was to make herself an easy prey, he would never care for her.
Similarity
Generally people accept ideas easier from someone who is like them. So if you are dealing with the group of people and you need to persuade them to accept your point of view, you need to make clear what is that thing in you that is similar to them. Basically, you need to figure out what you need to say or do in order for them to decide that you are OK. Your gender plays role here; women usually accept easier from women, and men from men. People of the same ethnicity tend to trust more to those who are just like them. It could be your profession, your hobby, anything that is viewed as similarity. After they are able to see it, they are more open to you.
Power
Some people like the role of rescuer. They would be attracted to people who have problems, so that they can solve it for them and make their day. When they do it they feel a false sense of superiority and control. So what exactly you do to get attention of such person? Right, you should have problems and present yourself weak and incapable to deal with your life on your own. They will enjoy rescuing you. Don't like the idea? True, it's not healthy but it is what it is. You will find plenty of examples in life.
Safety
This is widely used in politics, media and even marketing (to get you buy things like insurances and fire alarms). This can be easily used in personal life too. Some people have been hurt in the past in a way that it affected them and their choices for the rest of their lives. They never got over it. They are very careful and they don't trust easily. If you want to affect such people you need to find a way to sooth their fears away. It is like a story of a man who had a sick child. He divorced his beautiful wife and married a very unattractive woman, so everyone wondered what does she have. At the end, it turned out that she was just not able to bring children!
This is an extreme example of course, but we trust you get the point. Every situation is very individual and you need patience and creativity to find the right pressure point every time. The more you practice the better you are at it.
