Personality Compatibility: Phlegmatic – Melancholic Match

Personality compatibility is how two different, or the same, temperaments and personalities will get along together within a loving relationship. Being in a relationship, regardless of whether you are the same personality type or not, doesn’t mean you have to think, feel and act the same way as your partner.

couple in a restaurant, proposal, ring, flowers

Phlegmatic and Melancholic people have many differences in how they feel and how they view the world, but these differences could become their biggest advantages, and although there is no natural attraction between these two personality types, they often fall in love, get married and live happily ever after!

Phlegmatic people often get lost in the big picture, because they see the issue from so many different angles. This quality results in a procrastinating habit, when they just keep ruminating about the problem at hand, and never get around to actually trying to resolve it. However, concrete-thinking Melancholics evaluate any problems carefully, and set a deadline for getting things done. In the Phlegmatic-Melancholic pair, this Melancholic trait provides a sense of security for the Phlegmatic partner, resulting in a partnership that actually works very well together.

On the other hand, the enthusiastic and optimistic Phlegmatic will be like a breath of fresh air to the Melancholic. The Phlegmatic partner will energize his or her calm partner, and bring new ideas for their partnership.

Both personalities are striving to build a strong and stable relationship. Despite the fact that the Melancholic is less emotionally expressive, and won’t appreciate the depth of connection that Phlegmatic is trying to make, they will admire the emotional depth and loyalty of the Phlegmatic partner.


Both types are caring and nurturing by nature, although Phlegmatic will be often more sensitive to the needs of his or her mate. Both are organized and orderly and they will enjoy planning for their future together. Both are likely to be attentive to their children, and although the Melancholic will tend to be stricter when trying to implement rules and schedules, the Phlegmatic will show a more loving and sensitive side, bringing about a “Good Cop, Bad Cop” routine that works in harmony.

These two types have similar feelings about belonging to society – both are eager to help others, the only difference being that the Phlegmatic will tend to be more compassionate to the individuals, while the Melancholic concentrates on the idea of supporting the community as a whole.

On the negative side, emotionally contained Melancholic may feel uneasy about the intense passion of emotional Phlegmatic. Alongside this, he or she will not understand the Phlegmatic need to explore his or her own identity, and may become critical in nature.

Once the Phlegmatic realizes that the Melancholic is not as romantic as they first may have hoped, he or she might get disappointed. They are then likely to start to feel that the Melancholic is superficial and at the same time, the Melancholic will feel unappreciated and irritated by the Phlegmatic self-absorption, and habit of analyzing the psychological aspects of the relationship.

Another potential source of conflict, is that Phlegmatic people in general do not respect the authority without questioning it first, while Melancholic people believe that they, and others should always behave according to the proper conduct, preserving the customs and traditions of family and/or society.

Another thing that could cause this partnership problems is that they could drive each other crazy with the way they reason with specific things. While the Melancholic partner has a “facts and only facts” approach, the Phlegmatic partner loves to speculate, using his or her intuition. Because of this difference, they may get on each other’s nerves and in the end, the melancholic will decide that the Phlegmatic is silly and unpractical while the Phlegmatic will feel that the Melancholic is boring and primitive.

In spite of these differences, these two personality types are compatible with each other because both of them are nest makers. If they commit to using their differences to their advantage, they can make a loving and effective couple that can and will last the distance.

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